Saturday, January 29, 2011
you know, in the grand scheme of things.
there's just the little things.
little things like you
and how i just let it go.
but i didn't exactly just roll of your shoulders.
your wound has only just started to heal
while mine is just beginning to open
but it's all alright.
you're over it.
and i'm not.
and i don't know what to do.
but it's all alright.
its okay that i also have your burden on my shoulders.
never knowing when you'll hurt yourself.
when you'll pick up your blade.
never knowing how bad a mood you can get in.
never knowing when that mood will push you over the edge.
never knowing if i'll end up following in your path.
but i'm okay.
i'm okay worrying about what the future holds.
i'm okay worrying about you
and thinking about you all the time.
i'm okay with all that.
it's life that's killing me.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
why would you make me feel like this?
why do you do this to yourself?
why is there no way in the world that i can ever help you?
why will you never stop?
why do assume that you have it all under control?
why can't you realize that you never will?
why will you never realize how much i worry every day?
why didn't you realize that i think it's my fault?
why can't you realize that i wanted to end it all?
why can't you realize that it's because i can never do anything to help you?
why don't you ever answer when i ask what's wrong?
why won't you admit that there is something wrong?
why won't you admit that there's alot wrong?
why won't you let me help?
why do you think i'm asking you all these questions?
because i'm looking for the answers.
probably better than anyone ever will.
you only said the sweetest thing you possibly could.
whenever i lost a game, you erased your points to make it say i won.
anything you texted me i knew could could say staright to my face if you wanted to.
you loved everything about me.
even when i looked like mess,
you called my beautiful
how could i not have felt the same?
you were perfect to me.
how could i just let that go?
you were so hurt.
as you shouldve been.
you loved me.
at least i think so.
ill never really know now, will i?
ill never get a chance to tell you that it really wasnt you causing the problem.
it was all me.
it was all my fault.
you know why?
because the closest to perfect boy
just came around at the closest to worst time in my life.
i was going through so much.
my first real relationship on top of that was so overwhelming.
i just couldnt do it all.
so now i just have the memories.
the memories of the good times.
there were only good time that i can remember.
except the one bad time.
the time when i heard that voice. for the first time.
your voice after your pain of rejection.
i could hear the hurt,
just from that voice.
even thinking that i could cause a person that much pain makes me want to cry.
and then i want you back.
i want to take away that hurt forever,
so you can never feel it again.
but the i think again.
am i only remembering the good times?
i heard that your brain tried to block out bad memories of relationships, and only shows you the ones that you want to remember.
but, if that is to be true, why do i remember the good and bad of my other relationships,
and only have good memories of ours?
maybe that's because there were no bad times.
except the time i broke your heart.
so there you have it.
i may have made a terrible mistake over a year ago.
i may just be paying for it now.
i may have let let you go for good.
and i think i miss you.